PRO/CON: Is Earthbound More Fun than Lethal Injection?

VG - Earthbound 1

Today’s contestants:

Earthbound

a 1995 SNES lauded for its wit, vision, and strangeness

versus

Lethal injection

generally considered to be the most humane method for killing people so loathsome that society believes they have forfeited their right to life

PRO You get to play as four children in the 1990s who beat up old men, stray dogs, mummies, dinosaurs, zombies and obscure references to Tibetan cloud deities in order to save the Earth from aliens

CON No cameo by Bill Clinton

CON There is an enemy called the New Age Retro Hippie who is the evil mirror of my former college-student self and I resent that

PRO You fight using baseball bats and air guns and frying pans, using teddy bears for shields, using psychic powers to blast things, just like we really did in the preteen mafia wars we kept secret from our fat and happy parents

CON You can name your strongest and most fearsome psychic power, and when I was 9 I named mine “Clown” after a stuffed clown

PRO You travel to exotic and dangerous locales based on real-world New York City, Miami, England, Egypt, the Congo and what I’m pretty sure is Ohio

CON You never leave the ‘90s

PRO Witty, bizarre script that seamlessly integrates pop culture references and fart jokes using the Havok physics engine

PRO, the creators sampled all kinds of pop music and classic tunes in the game’s own score before it was cool

PRO The graphics are in a friendly, colorful style that feels like hundreds of Japanese spent months souping up kindergarten drawings you made for your parents of cityscapes, dinosaurs and sea serpents into nostalgic pixelated chef-d’oeuvres

CON No tits

PRO In battle the background looks like an acid trip:

VG - Earthbound 2

CON In battle the background looks like an acid trip

PRO Programmed by flawless computer geniuses descended from 16th-century katana-forging artisans, so there are basically no glitches

CON Game still breaks if you throw up into it and set it on fire

PRO A thriving fan community keeps the game alive and kicking 20 years after its release with podcasts, art contests, forums, fan videos, merchandise, and endless devotion

CON The thriving fan community is all scary awkward game weirdoes who like anime and butt dancing and whose lives revolve around childhood memories of a video game

CON Lethal injection is about twice as healthy as playing a video game

 

THE VERDICT:

YES,
if given the choice, you should play this game rather than choose to be executed in Oklahoma.

(Like this? Then consider liking us on Facebook  or following us on Twitter and Tumblr.)