Author: Samantha Wallschlaeger
Medium: Short story
Publication Date: August 17, 2017 on SWTOR.com
Timeline Placement: c. 3,630 BBY
Veesh, Nira, and The New Guy are a commando squad of three Umbarans, pale-skinned bald humanoids, protecting a space train on the planet Umbara. Veesh is trying to scare The New Guy with stories about times he’s almost been killed on the job. Nira chimes in with a story about the time her entire team was killed one by one by an alpha slybex. Nira hid inside the space train’s cargo hold for three days until a rescue team found her, discovering that the entire train was covered by claw marks. That was five years ago and Nira says she’s had to sleep with a nightlight ever since. “We all have scars,” she adds, but not all of them are physical! Suddenly they hear a thud on the roof of the space train as you the player jump aboard with Theron Shan and Lana Beniko to begin the mission Flashpoint: Crisis on Umbara. “Your lucky day, kid,” Nira says to The New Guy. “You’re about to earn your first scar.” I don’t know what happens next but I hope you the player kill them all.
This isn’t bad, just kind of pointless, as is typical for these web shorts. Given their nature as blog entries written to promote some aspect of the game, I guess that’s how they’re intended to be. 2/5 Death Stars.
(Suicide by Star Wars Apocrypha is a foolish attempt to examine the entirety of the now decanonized Star Wars Expanded Universe and quantify its assorted artistic merits. Read the introduction. Check out the archives.)