Suicide by Star Wars Apocrypha: Days of Labour Pains

Labor Pains

(Suicide by Star Wars Apocrypha is a foolish attempt to examine the entirety of the now decanonized Star Wars Expanded Universe and quantify its assorted artistic merits. Read the introduction. Check out the archives.)

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Labor Pains

Author: John Jackson Miller

Medium: Short story

Publication Date: April 2008 on StarWars.com (republished on Suvudu)

Timeline Placement: 3,963 BBY

This first-person story, a rarity for Star Wars fiction, is an excerpt from the memoirs of Marn Hierogryph, narrated by the Gryph himself. Gryph and Zayne run a con on two art collectors on the planet Ralltiir: a gullible Muun and his “father,” a morbidly obese Rodian in a hoverchair.

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I love these guys. Someone should have given them their own series.

There’s some weird moral obfuscation where Zayne objects to this swindle (the alleged “art” they are trying to pawn off is just junk they stole from Camper’s workshop) but Gryph convinces him to come around because the fact that their marks are buying what they think is stolen art makes it okay to rob them. Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

This story is completely inconsequential fluff but it’s funny. 3/5 Death Stars.