The 2016 Presidential Candidates Reimagined as Dog Catchers


Marx Brothers

There is an old cliché in American politics that goes more or less like this: “I wouldn’t vote for [Candidate] to be dog catcher!” The subtext of this cliché is, of course, that a particular presidential candidate is so distasteful, so ripe with incompetence that even the lowest rung of American elective office would be beyond their meager powers of governance. Classic damnation by hyperbole.

But how would our current crop of Presidential candidates fair if actually tasked with catching dogs?

Only the Union Forever dares to consider.

(more…)

Keep Reading

Chairman Seku Brings the Revolution

The revolution has come to Denver, Colorado. Finally, the driest and most boring city in the world has its answer to civil rights legends like Huey Newton and “The Rent Is Too Damn High” guy: Chairman Brother Seku.

Seen here on the campaign trail:

That’s old video. Now Seku has set his sights higher than city council and is running for mayor!

In his official video, he tells us that the voters demand a new type of “kindness, one who finds its self-expression in the vision quest of the twenty-first century renaissance of the wild wild west city of Denver” and promises to “critically think like a man and woman of positive actions.” You should watch it; it’s like staring into the sun. (more…)

Keep Reading

William Tapley: The Man Who Writes Folk Songs about Mitt Romney

mitt-romney-hero-in-my-mind

Once upon a time, a man named Willard “Mitt” Romney ran for the presidency of the United State of America (ask your parents). Coming from a dirt poor family of successful businessmen, politicians, lawyers, and leaders of desert religious cults, his dark horse campaign became a rallying point for the millions of Americans of all (white) stripes who found the communo-fascist regime of Professor Barack “Space Hitler” Obama mildly inconvenient.  To them, he wasn’t just a politician but a folk hero battling the degradation of our society, a business-savvy Paul Bunyan chopping down taxes, an extremely pale John Henry putting up one last wall of resistance to the forces of non-heteronormative mongrel modernity.

They even wrote songs about him. Well, one guy with a pre-programmed RadioShack keyboard wrote songs about him:

(more…)

Keep Reading