Sexy Teens with Dumb Names in the Post-Apocalypse Part 2 of 100

Previously on Lost . . .

A plane carrying a group of improbably attractive main characters and several dozen disposable extras crash-lands in a jungle. Suffering only superficial injuries, the survivors look for leadership from a male character who invents a talismanic credo that will serve as the basic morality of this fledgling society: “Live together, die alone” I mean “Whatever the hell we want.” Meanwhile, the hot brunette wastes no time in taking off her clothes and the main minority character meets with contempt and violence from some of the castaways for past transgressions he had no part in. All is not what it appears in this seemingly idyllic place, however, as our heroes are confronted with strange animals and beset by monsters. After one of their group is attacked and killed by an unseen tribe of hostile natives, someone helpfully announces, “We’re not the only people on this island and we all know it!”

Also Desmond is there.

Also Desmond is there.

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Suicide by Star Wars Apocrypha: The Pre-Republic Era, Part 4

SW4 Image 3

Author: John Ostrander

Artist: Jan Duursema

Medium: Comic

Publication Date: November 2013 – March 2014

Timeline Placement: 25,792 BBY

Series: Dawn of the Jedi

(Suicide by Star Wars Apocrypha is a vast, largely insane attempt to investigate the entirety of the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Click here for the Introduction.  Click here for the Archive.)

We jump forward in time one year to find the Tythan system under siege by the Rakatan fleet and their foot soldiers, mutated Rakatan warriors called Flesh Raiders, a name that sounds like it could also be any number of other perverse things. Daegen Lok, the completely insane slavemaster visionquest psycho from the last book, has been released from the Evil Moon of Bogan and put in charge of the Je’daii armies for some reason, while Master Ravioli, a bald and somewhat boring monk, commands the combined forces of Tython and the non-Je’daii worlds. Despite this he still contributes nothing to the plot. Xesh, emodouche protagonist, has taught the Je’daii how to manufacture Forcesabers, which have become their primary melee weapon against the similarly armed Flesh Raiders.

Redheaded love interest Shae Koda (and presumably Sek’nos Rath, Shae’s (best? I don’t even know) friend, as well but I don’t think it’s ever clarified) has been promoted from Je’daii Journeyer to Je’daii Ranger, a meaningless distinction with no bearing on the text. I guess Sek’nos and Trill, the Force-hunting double-agent sent by Predor Skal’nas the Big Evil Space Guy, are dating now, because sure, whatever. Poor, neglected Tasha Ryo, one of three equally prominent protagonists in the first volume, is marginalized even more in the finale. Since she sucks at fighting, she’s become a Je’daii “seer” and now just sits around with other seers, all of whom are nameless, trying to divine the future and see where the Rakata will strike next. She does nothing of consequence for the entire book until the end, where she dies. Spoiler alert!

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Every Good Man Has Always Hated Young Men

VICE Magazine, your awesome one-stop source for CEOs fucking Japanese sex dolls in half, has published an article in the time-honored vein of moaning about British youth: How Sad Young Douchebags Took Over Modern Britain.

British youth have become shit. They sport “balloon-animal muscles and a waxed chest.” They are crass, beefy “erections in vests,” strutting around drinking pee and swearing at pigeons, beating old women, drunk at mid-day. They are ruining the country with their vigorous self-obsession, their noisy stupidity, with their confidence of peacocks on steroids. (more…)

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