The Secret Truth of the Film Groundhog Day

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Everyone has seen Groundhog Day, right? Phil is an asshole who gets stuck in the same day until he learns not to be an asshole. We saw in the movie that he was stuck in that day long enough to learn French and jazz piano. He was in there long enough to memorize the actions of everything and everyone in town. He was in there long enough to experiment with some light hedonism and attempt suicide numerous times. He was in there long enough to make Rita legitimately fall in love with him in 24 hours, after which he was released from his time-and-spacey prison.

That’s what we saw in the movie. The writer, Harold Ramis, said that he thinks Phil was trapped in the day for 10,000 years.

10,000 years.

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Hobos and Me: A Story of Lost Love

Until four years ago I had spent my entire life living in Podunkville, PA, surrounded by massive farms, meth labs, Confederate flags and dead deer suspended from porches by their ankles.

One day, I moved to Boston, and immediately fell into the trappings of a transplanted hick. I walked instead of taking the subway, I would stare up at tall buildings, and I would throw money at any bum who asked for it. Continue reading

Dr. Hire’s Super Life Hacks: How Do I Last Longer in Bed?

Dear Dr. Hire,

          I am what you might call a Minute Man. I always come waaaay too early, and it leaves my woman dissatisfied. I love her and I want nothing more in this life than to give her sexual satisfaction. If I fail in this most basic of tasks, I believe that I have little to no right to continue possessing my testicles and must ritualistically remove them with all due pomp and circumstance. What can I do to avoid premature ejaculation?

                                                ~ 2Excited in Brooklyn

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